Gallant eats his spaghetti with a knife and fork. Goofus uses his hands.

Ah, Highlights for children.

I had totally forgot about that magazine until sitting in the dentist's waiting room. I knew I'd get looks from the staff and the other patients, but I couldn't resist.

When I was little, my grandmother gave me a subscription. From the ages of 6 till about 9 I had that bundle of information about wholesome values, reasons to wash your hands, and to fear and respect escalators delivered to my door each month. My favorite feature was always Goofus and Gallant.



See? How else would we know not to run down what are essentially stairs, our parents? Shouldn't it be something like not running the wrong way up or down the escalator? Why am I giving it this much thought?

Because I grew up on this shit, that's why. How much have my own values been shaped by some obnoxious do-gooder and some self-centered idiot with obvious behavior issues?



I'm bossy, sure, but that other comparison is like apples and oranges. Literally.
Oranges are easy to share, apples aren't. Someone has to take the last one.

So I guess I'm more Goofus than Gallant at this point, but I choose to think that Gallant is a little brown nosing apple polisher and Goofus is awesome.

It works out in my head.