It's really difficult walking through Downtown Crossing sometimes. Since my office and my T stop are on opposite ends of the area, I get to do it twice a day. I know that it's a pedestrian walkway, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to smack the shit out of people who walk directly in my way. I tend to walk quickly and in a straight line, these people tend to meander all over the place, as if drunk. I noticed an obvious connection of people walking while texting or talking on their phones to people that will get in my way. I really hope they don't drive while on those things. After observing nearly 2 years of this, I feel I have to reach out instead of just fuming mentally and plotting revenge.
There are 2 main identified types that I'd like to specifically address:
Dear Middle-Aged White Guys,
Yes, you are in a suit, and I'm sure that you think you have a very impressive job. A job that requires you to either walk directly at me expecting me to move, or for you to stand in the middle of a busy hallway or sidewalk, forcing people to go around you. Well, Middle-Aged White Guy, from now on I'm through getting out of your way. I played hockey, so expect a shoulder check or some other variant of getting smacked by me if you do happen to cross my path in the future.
Lots of love,
Me
and, of course:
Dear Newish Moms (and Pregnant Chicks) with Infants in Strollers,
Congrats, you can breed. Ans apparently breeding takes away all regard to people that didn't come directly out of your uterus. Next time one of you runs over my foot with your baby transporting contraption I'm gonna pull you aside and tell you that your baby is the ugliest thing I've ever seen. If you're pregnant as well, I'll make remarks about how ugly that baby is going to be. If you're really a bitch I'll say something about you being a bad example for your child and infer that they're going to become a serial killer because of your bad manners. I could breed too, you know, but hopefully I wouldn't be such an asshole about it.
Lots of love,
Me
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
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